Informed consent is a fundamental human right that empowers us to make decisions about our bodies, well-being and lives. Black women’s autonomy and informed consent has been robbed for generations. From forced labor to medical experimentation, the exploitation and dehumanization of Black women denied us agency over our own bodies, our choices and even our beliefs.
However, because informed consent can be a powerful tool for reclaiming agency, this guide breaks down how to advocate for yourself by practicing informed consent in all areas of your life.
What Is Informed Consent?
Informed consent is the clear communication of information between people, or between a person and a healthcare professional, their employer or an organization when seeking their consent. That definition sounds good on paper, but in practice it’s more complex because of the power dynamics created by systemic inequalities.
“The whole consent system is broken because it’s molded in a white cisheteropatriarchy system, which disregards our boundaries if we aren’t white cisgender, heterosexual men,” explains Consent Advocate and Co-Creator of Sex Down South Conference, tia marie.
“Black women are no one’s property and it’s time to deconstruct all the patterns based on the myth of racial and gender subordination. The system never supported us having boundaries, so let’s step out of the system.”
tia marie
Education Can Set Us Free
tia believes that educating people on boundaries and their rights, will empower them to advocate for themselves and call out consent violations when they’re able to do so safely. “We’ve seen this in practice in almost a decade of running Sex Down South, which is centered on Black women’s needs and desires,” says tia.
“Our goal was to create a space where Black women and femmes felt safe because we weren’t getting this at conventional sex conferences. And the more we incorporated feedback from our attendees and worked to make sure that we always prioritized the rights of the most marginalized voices — specifically our LGBTQIA attendees, the safer and more welcoming SDS became for everyone,” tia affirms.
She also believes that the more we learn about boundaries, the more we’ll question situations and people and start recognizing consent violations.
What Are Examples of Violating Consent?
Consent violations can be subtle or obvious, which can make them difficult to recognize. But the main types of consent violations include:
- Disregarding boundaries: Consistently ignoring or dismissing your expressed boundaries.
- Pressure or manipulation: Coercing, guilt-tripping or emotionally manipulating you to make you agree to something you’re uncomfortable with.
- Non-consensual sharing: Sharing your personal information, images or experiences without your explicit permission.
- Ignoring withdrawn consent: Dismissing your decision when you agree to something but later withdraw your consent.
- Lack of affirmative consent: Engaging in any form of intimacy without seeking and receiving a definite yes.
I asked tia how we as Black women can assert our requirement for informed consent in our daily lives. We spoke about medical settings, work, relationships and social environments, and she broke down how to navigate each of them.
1. Prioritize Your Well-Being In Healthcare Settings
Even though informed consent is a requirement of ethical medical practice, healthcare workers don’t always disclose potential risks or take the time to ensure we have a full understanding of our options. And when you add in the racism and cultural incompetence that we typically have to deal with, this can become dangerous for us.
“This is one area where we have to be vigilant and active. Don’t just sign the forms and trust blindly, engage your doctors to make sure there’s mutual sharing of information,” recommends tia. She suggests advocating for yourself by:
- Asking questions: Ask about treatments, procedures and medications. Demand clear explanations in language you understand.
- Getting second opinions: Seeking a second opinion is your right. If you’re uncertain about a diagnosis or treatment plan, get confirmation elsewhere.
- Researching your options: Research your doctors, conditions, potential treatment options etc. This will help you ask the right questions about your health and ultimately make informed decisions.
- Documenting your conversations: Keep records of the conversations, recommendations and decisions that are made during your medical visits, and request a physical copy of your records after each visit. This documentation could be invaluable for future reference.
2. Take An Active Role When Navigating Professional Spaces
At work, tia also recommends actively participating, but she says practicing self-advocacy is key. Specifically, you can do so by:
- Negotiating terms: When you start a new job or you’re discussing a promotion, negotiate terms that align with your career goals and expectations.
- Addressing microaggressions: Informed consent extends to your emotional and psychological well-being. When it’s safe to do so, address microaggressions and discriminatory behavior or use the legal system to do it for you.
- Balancing your workload: Clearly communicate your boundaries and workload capacity in writing. This will help ensure that you aren’t overloaded with tasks that negatively affect your job satisfaction and career growth.
“And don’t forget that empowerment begins with understanding your rights. So educate yourself so you can be a good advocate for yourself. And don’t be afraid to get legal advice if it’ll put your mind at ease,” adds tia.
3. Set Boundaries & Communicate Openly In Intimate Relationships
“In personal relationships, informed consent helps us develop healthy dynamics and mutual respect. When you practice full transparency, open communication and respect for our boundaries and the boundaries of the people we’re in relationships with are a priority,” tia explains.
You can practice open communication and boundary setting by:
- Expressing your boundaries: Clearly articulate your emotional, physical and relational boundaries.
- Practicing affirmative consent: Actively seek and receive consent at every level of intimacy. And prioritize open conversations about your desires, limits and comfort levels and fears.
- Recognizing coercion: Be vigilant about signs of emotional or psychological coercion. Consent can’t be freely given if manipulation or pressure is present.
4. Amplifying Your Voice in Social Settings
According to tia, asserting your rights in social spaces cultivates environments where open communication flourishes and everyone’s dignity is respected. In social spaces, she suggests asserting your rights by:
- Participating actively: Engage in conversations with the understanding that your perspectives are valid and essential.
- Challenging stereotypes: When it’s safe for you to do so, challenge stereotypes and biases that perpetuate harmful narratives about Black women.
- Supporting other Black women: Create spaces where Black women uplift and support each other’s voices, experiences and achievements.
What Can You Do If Your Consent Is Violated?
- Trust your intuition: If you feel uncomfortable or something feels off, trust your instincts. Your feelings and emotions are valid indicators of potential violations.
- Communicate directly: If you believe your consent has been violated, tell the person involved if you feel safe enough to do so. Use “I” statements to express how their actions made you feel.
- Set clear boundaries: Reinforce your boundaries and clearly express your expectations moving forward, including what behaviors you aren’t willing to tolerate.
- Get support: Reach out to friends, family or professionals who can provide emotional support and guidance as you deal with the aftermath of a consent violation.
- Document everything: Keep a record of any incidents, conversations or potential evidence of the violation. This documentation could be helpful if you end up taking legal action.
Ways To Seek Resolution For Consent Violations
The reality is resolution may not always be possible because your psychological and physical safety takes priority over everything. However, in cases of consent violations where it’s safe to address them, resolution can take these forms:
- Educational conversation: When people are genuinely unaware of the impact of their actions, having an open and educational conversation can help them understand why consent is important. But keep in mind that it’s not your job to educate people on informed consent and you don’t have to bear the burden of this labor.
- Apology and accountability: If the violator acknowledges their actions and apologizes sincerely, you can decide whether you want to rebuild trust in them. You don’t have to accept their apology though.
- Setting boundaries: If the violation happens with someone that you’re in a long-term relationship with, setting and reinforcing clear boundaries could help maintain a healthier dynamic moving forward.
- Involving authorities: And in cases of repeated violations, involving the authorities or getting legal advice might be necessary to keep you safe and protect you from harm.
“Remember that your feelings, boundaries and consent are valid and they deserve unwavering respect,” tia says.
You Have The Right To Practice Informed Consent
Informed consent isn’t just a legal concept, it’s a means of empowerment for Black women and other historically marginalized groups. Especially because asserting your consent rights in healthcare, workplaces, your personal relationships and other settings is a step towards dismantling systemic inequalities.
“Each time you stand up for yourself you’re shaping a future where your voice is heard and respected. The more you do it, the more confident you become flexing your self-agency. And you deserve to have your decisions and choices acknowledged and respected in all spheres of life,” concludes tia.
